Illadelph Bass-Life Doris Day: Or I Can’t Remember What Day We’re Actually On

by pronounced "ahhh" like a sigh

I have no sense of direction. None. Even when I have the instructions/directions in front of me. Even if my phone maps out every single step I should take from the place I’m leaving to the place I’m going INCLUDING how long it should take me to get each step of the way in both miles and minutes.  Even if I can hear the GPS clearly tell me to turn right. Even if the train conductor taps me on the shoulder, personally and tells me that my stop is next, I will find a way to get lost.

I got lost. Getting to school was fine. I walked to 40th (Even though Charles told me to walk to 46th because it was closer. I kinda forgot he said that.) and Market. First I stopped to get an iced coffee and a donut. I didn’t really want the donut and I shouldn’t be drinking caffeine on my medication but I needed to break a $20 because Philly is all anal with their subway system and you have to have exact change or they will point and laugh at you. Or tell you that you need to get exact change. Same difference. So I walked to 40th street Station, I gave the lady $2 because I didn’t have any tokens and there was no machine (#youcareaboutallofthis), the train came like 30 seconds later. I hop on. Ipod blasting showtunes. I’m feeling sassy and ready to conquer my day, I have a skip in my step and I’m prepared to teach the children theatre! I told you I’m not supposed to have caffeine on my medication. I am WIRED. When it’s time to transfer, I checked my phone to make sure that I was transferring at the right place. City Hall. I get off and kind of pick one random dude to follow and luckily, he lead me to the Broad Street line. I got on that until I recognized the station I got off on when I was staying with Chris. I’m feeling awesome. It’s 7:30. I’m early! I can get a smoothie from the Korean dude at the corner. I can go to Rite-Aid. I’m planning the 30 minutes I now have free. Like I won some sort of space time continuum lottery. Now, please refer to the first sentence of this entry. “I have no sense of direction.” So when I emerged from the train station… no I burst out of the station like a scene from a musical. I was doin’ it! OW! I realized when I got to street level, that I had no idea where I was. Nothing looked familiar. None of the landmarks were where they were. Where was the PNC bank? Where was Church’s? Where was the crackhead with the plunger and one chinese slipper? Where was my Korean smoothie?? Panic. I tried to stay calm but I wasn’t sure what to do. Did I get on the wrong train. No. Broad Street line is the line I was taking for the last two weeks. Erie & Broad. That’s where I get off. What is the problem? Because I’m a genius, I decide that in the 3 days since I’ve been here, they’ve done some renovations. (Because that makes sense.) Now, here’s the thing about me. Whenever I’m lost. No matter where I’m going, the idea is not to look lost in case someone has been following me and wants to kidnap me and sell my organs to rich people in Narnia (or whatever M. Night Shamylan movies are about.) so I make a left and the more I walk the more I realize that I’m not seeing any Temple flags. I don’t see the hospital. I don’t know where the fuck I am. I walk for about 5 minutes when I see a magazine salesperson. I figure he’s not going to kidnap me and if he does, at least I’d get to read this week’s People. I ask him, where Ontario Street is. He points towards the direction I just came from. I’m sure he’s wrong because I don’t recognize any of this shit. So I decide to ask him for landmarks. Where’s Temple University Hospital. He again points in the direction I just came from. Ok, dude… where’s Church’s Fried Chicken…. he points across the street and down the block. And there it was on the corner like what I imagined Columbus or Gallileo or… some other explorer I learned about in the 6th grade must have felt. I was on the opposite side of the street. Yes. I’m so bad at directions, that I got off at the other side of the train station and didn’t recognize a thing. I bought a KitKat and thanked him and went about my day.

Damn shame. We won’t even discuss how ridiculously lost I got coming back. I had to get out of the train station and then pay to reenter it because I lost my bearings. Lost my bearings. I don’t have any bearings. I should get some bearings… I wonder if they sell them at Churches…

Day was good. Most of the kids were great. 2nd grade remedial class and 7th grade shouldn’t be let out in public. I’m pro caning in this instance.

All in all, it was a good day. I contemplated going out and exploring the city a little bit but I had bags with me and I wanted to get back here before it got dark because if you think I suck at life in the daytime, imagine me trying to get home for the first time at night. I feel like I had other stuff to tell you. I tweeted a lot today. I just felt like it. I’m tweeting differently than I did at my old account. Nothing personal. Not sharing too much. Very careful about what I say and how I say it. Holding things a bit more private. And also just not feeling the pressure to say anything at all. But today I felt like it so I did. I really don’t care who has a problem with it or me. I don’t live my life for the people who dislike me. Hell, I don’t live my life for the people who like me. I appreciate them but at the end of the day, I do whatever the fuck I want (within legal and moral limits.).

Also, I looked really cute today. I’d take a picture but I don’t want to. I’m going to eat this fruit and do some non-blogging writing and get on with my night.

Que Sera Sera,


PS. You see what I did there?