Illadelph Quickie: Keepin The Clouds Away

by pronounced "ahhh" like a sigh

I lose things. Everything. Anything at some point in my possession will get lost. It’s just something I know about myself. I lose keys, sunglasses, gloves and umbrellas. This is why I don’t spend a lot of money on keychains, sunglasses, gloves or umbrellas. A friend wanted to give me a pair of Prada sunglasses that didn’t look right on her face. I told her to sell it on Ebay because if she gave it to me, within a week, a crackhead in DC would have on one wool sock, a trashbag, a tutu, stocking cap and a pair of Prada sunglasses.

I don’t carry umbrellas. I lose umbrellas. I leave them on the train or at the restaurant or at the movies. I try to keep umbrellas because I don’t like to get wet. I’m like a cat that way and also because I like lying in the sun and having my belly rubbed… never mind. This morning, as I got dressed for work, I realized that the sun wasn’t out. I looked out the window and saw that it had been raining but it didn’t look like it was raining at the time. A smarter person would have changed her sandals and put on some regular shoes. I am not that person. I kept on my suede sandals. and just put on a pair of jeans… because that makes sense. As I was leaving the bedroom, I decided at the last minute to grab my favorite hoodie hanging from behind the door. You know, in case I get chilly on the train. I try to leave as quietly as I can so as not to wake anyone up and slip out the front door… which I then have to bang close to make sure it’s properly locked. It’s the thought that counts.

I stepped outside and it was sprinkling not to bad. I figured I could make it to the train station and just get a little damp. And I was right. But by the time I emerged at my stop, the rain was falling faster. I ran to Dunkin’ Donuts for an iced coffee (don’t judge me.) and by the time I made it out and to the corner about 4-5 blocks away from the school, straight up monsoon, son. The rain was falling hard and fast and I was trapped in the parking garage of Temple Children’s hospital. For 10 minutes. Just standing there with my ice coffee and Can You Stand The Rain on my ipod (I like to set the mood.) TRAPPED! I honestly had no idea what I was going to do. Getting soaked and sitting around all day looking like a drowned rat (or The Dream) was not an option. So I just stood there.

About ten minutes later, a taxi pulls in to drop somebody off at the hospital. Hallelujah! I didn’t have any cash on me but all the Philly cabs take credit/debit cards, right? I only had to go a few blocks but I planned on begging and tipping him big. When I saw the lady exit, I hopped in from the other side before he could speed off. I scared the holy crap out of him. I wanted to yell, “1500 W. Ontario and step on it!” (I’ve always wanted to say that.) but instead I said, “Crap! You don’t have a swiper.” and I got out of the cab and walked away. The cabbie got out of the cab and yelled, “What just happened?” and I said, “Sorry. I need to get to work and it’s raining and I’m wearing jeans and my hair and my iced coffee and you don’t have a swiper!” I didn’t realize how close to frustrated tears I was until I started talking. He said, “Well, where do you need to go? I can call in your card to the station.” I said, “But I want to tip you and I don’t have any cash.” He said, “Get in. Will call it into the station.” I thanked him and took my frustrated, damp, wet rat self towards the cab. He said, “Get in the front seat.” Um… now I watch enough Lifetime to be apprehensive but fuck it, if I was going to get kidnapped and murdered, at least I’d be dry. I also, Oprah taught me how to kill someone with my house keys.

I get in the car and the driver maneuvers his way around traffic. He drives around the school and for a minute I think, “Oh Lord. Tell Boogie I love him.” but what he was doing was trying to get me to the front door of the school since it was a one way. When we made it back around the block and in front of the school, I pulled out my card and waited for him to radio it in. He shook his head. I was confused. He said, “Have a good day and stay dry.” He gave me a ride for free! Isn’t that awesome. I was so grateful, I gave him my donut! And thanked him and God blessed him and Buddha protect him and Allah direct him.. hell, may Oprah be with you, sir!

Isn’t that awesome. I never lose my faith in people because things like that happen. I’m just so grateful be in this place right now. I know it sounds corny but after what I went through last year and some of the guilt I’ve been carrying around, I’m just so grateful to feel protected and comforted and loved by God and the universe. I have amazing friends but I also feel so protected right now. I’m afraid of nothing. I trust my heart and my gut and I’m abiding by the Golden Rule again. This “Do unto others” has been my religion since I was in the 2nd grade. I’ve stumbled and I’ve wavered but at the end of the day, I always end up on the right path. And I’m held in the bosom of… wait.. held in the bosom of Jesus? That doesn’t sound right. Held in the bosom of… Patti LaBelle and she smells like sweet potato pie and 5 inch Loubous.


Oh! And also after all that, I still made it to work on time.

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