Gratitude: There’s Enough Sun In Me To Fuel Three Summers

by pronounced "ahhh" like a sigh

I know it’s been forever since I updated this blog. This update will probably very short as well. I’ve been busy with other things.  Right now, I’m sitting in front of my TV, watching Top Chef: Desserts, and eating lasagna.  Yesterday, around this time, I was staring at my laptop with my mouth open; fighting back happy tears. Yesterday was the one of the best days of my life. I’ve been having a lot of good days but yesterday was just an unfair monsoon of good news.

I’m really happy right now. I finally feel  like I’m back on track after about six years of feeling off of it. I’ve erased this sentence about 4 times. I want to tell you what I’ve been up to without sounding too pleased with myself. I can’t get comfortable. Still more work to be done.

Before I tell you about my day yesterday, let me tell you about my year last year. It was terrible. I was depressed and confused and involved in things and with people I shouldn’t have been. I did and said things I’m not proud of. It was all part of the illness so I try to keep it in  perspective but I also take responsibility for it.  If it wasn’t for the love and support of my friends, I would not have made it. When I was in the hospital in January, I found out who my real friends were. These are the people that rallied and supported Boogie and me. I also got my fair amount of tough love. I was told I had to get better. There were no other options. After tinkering around with a few medications, I’m on the combination that works for me. Will they work a year from now? I don’t know but they work now and I’m conscious of the slip.

So to my friends, I say thank you for believing in me. Thank  you for not giving up on me. Thank you for loving me and my kid unconditionally. Thank you for listening to me ramble and figure things out and falling and picking me up and dusting me off and pushing me forward.  I will be forever grateful to you. I was thinking of listing you all but I know I’m going to forget someone and I really don’t want anyone to feel slighted. Just know that if I’ve told you how much you mean to  me, then I’m talking to you.

And also you, my supporters (Hate the word fan), you’ve had my back for years. You’ve followed me on Twitter. You’ve made me laugh. You’ve encouraged me to use humor to make it out of the dark. You’ve encouraged me to tell my stories and yours. I hope I do you justice. I hope I can offer you space to keep your “me toos”.

It’s only up from here. I know this seems so dramatic (are you shocked?) and I’m not going anywhere, I just really wanted to express my love and gratitude to the people in my life and the universe and God and Allah and Buddha and Beyonce and Oprah (joking. Stop typing all fast).

So with that, I’m going to finish my lasagna and press play on the DVR.

In love and gratitude and a plate of now cold lasagna,

B.

Yesterday at least a good 1/3 of the things I have been working on all launched at once. I was expecting at least a week or two between each but the universe had other plans.

1. I’ll be on NPR tomorrow (www.npr.org) on Tell Me More with Michele Martin. Check your local listings.

2. I have two articles on the Huffington Post about For Colored Girls. I am also an official HuffPo blogger now. You can find the articles here: http://huff.to/cLmJUxi . I promise that I am done writing about Tyler Perry. For now.

3. Talib Kweli and I are part of an amazing project called Positive Charge. It launches on Dec. 1. World AIDS day. It’ s a campaign to encourage more support for those who have  HIV. It’s a really wonderful campaign and I’m proud to be a part of it. For more information, go to http://www.globalgrind.com and scroll down to the bottom. You can also see some behind the scenes from a shoot I did in NY last week. http://bit.ly/dihpts please excuse the massiveness of my forehead.  http://bit.ly/9RkRBr

3. I wrote about Kanye West on The Root. http://wapo.st/cfLhf1

4. I wrote about living with bipolar II disorder on Essence.com http://bit.ly/dnFoWK

5. I write a weekly blog every Monday called Bringing Up Boogie at Denene Millner’s http://www.mybrownbaby.blogspot.com (Spell shout out to my mentor, friend, editor, voice of reason, fabulous beautiful woman and amazingly talented writer,  Denene. I love you!)

And that’s about it for now. At least, for what I can talk about. Still working on the book. Still working on me. Still living life.

Thank you so much for all of you support. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you! x 1 trillion. I’ll try to keep this space updated.

Kiss both shoulders. Kiss both wrists.

Fuck fear. Love anyway.

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