Babble: Fish sticks, Ghetto cupcakes and 4,319 Words.

by pronounced "ahhh" like a sigh

I love fish sticks. I don’t know who invented them. Whether it’s Mrs. Paul or the Gorton’s Fisherman, I’m just happy they did. Actually, let me use the interwebs to see who invented them. I’ll be right back.

Watch this while i’m gone: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfAglGilQBQ You’re welcome.

Ok. Y’all can Google that yourself. I’m tired and that wiki had way too many words. The one thing I’ll tell you is that they were created in the United Kingdom by a fisherman and something about herring and freezing things blah blah blah boring blah blah but they were introduced to society on September 26, 1955. So if anyone ever asks you when fishsticks were invented, you can tell them that I told you. It’s what I’m here for.

I ate a dinner biscuit with frosting on top of it. I don’t want to talk about it. I just felt like I needed to confess. Don’t judge me.

And now I kinda want another one. I won’t though. My metabolism is just going to up and leave me for his secretary. Never mind.

I’ve been writing a lot. I wrote over 4000 words in 3 days and I’m very proud of the work. For the first time in a long time, I feel like a writer. I’m not second guessing the words or the process, I know that I’m doing it “right”. I’m so excited for this book. I’m excited to finish it and see it on shelves and to talk about it. I’m really proud of myself right now. This time last year, I was depressed. I was so depressed that I couldn’t see. And a month later, I checked into the hospital for depression. These days, I couldn’t be in a more different space. I’m happy! I keep saying it because I’m so surprised every day by just how happy I am. Not saying I don’t have bad days, yesterday was difficult and disappointing; today was sad and a boy heartbreaky but by the end of the day, I’m back to me. I’m learning to allow people to come and go. I don’t own any0ne. Not my friends. Not the men I choose to love or choose to walk away from.  I just kinda shrug and say, “Wow. That sucks.” and I vent to one of my friends and then I go back to writing. Or watching TV. Or reading. or practicing smiling with my eyes in the mirror. I mean… reading some more.

This is a short entry and not very interesting. I just wanted to share the book progress. I really love it, y’all. I started it on Sunday night/Monday morning on the train back from Philly and it felt so comfortable. The other times, I had a block up and I was nervous and I was scared to expose things. When I revealed my 14 year secret at the A Laying On Of Hands event to honor Ntozake Shange, I felt free. Unstoppable. No secrets. Freedom to tell my truth.

I think that’s the point of this post. To remind myself that I have the freedom to tell my truth. No matter what any one thinks of me. Or revises history to make me the enemy. Or decides they don’t want to love me. or whatever. At the end of the day, I have the freedom to tell my truth so what they say or think of me or lie about me doesn’t matter.

Your opinion of me is none of my business. Who said that? Oprah? Winnie The Pooh? I should probably Google it. I don’t want to.

In conclusion, I’m so hopeful and optimistic and I feel like the universe is clearing my path of things that are distractions and people that are destructive and forcing me to focus on what matters. Who am I to go against that?

I’m going to go get another ghetto cupcake.

Don’t judge me,

B.

PS. This was one of my Facebook Status messages today.

Dear Bassey: Remember that the universe has bigger plans for you than those you have for yourself. You can’t take everyone with you. Send them off with love and well wishes and access to their own plans but send them off nonetheless. Not everyone is a friend but nobody is an enemy. Not everyone belongs in your heart but nobody is heartless. Just hurting. Allow them their hurt. Don’t let them hurt you.

I hope it helps. It’s helping me.

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